Everyone's talking about the new post on .foX

Advertising is a funny business. When I was a kid, I always thought that making adverts would be a cool job. As an adult, I often see adverts that appear to be completely, appallingly, obviously crap and that surely any idiot should have blackballed at the early concept stage (most recent example — the bizarre Capital One credit card adverts). I was once advised by someone in advertising that the business is much more difficult and complex than it appears and that adverts that I didn’t like were in fact likely to be just as ‘good’ and effective as those I did like, but were cleverly aimed, via market research and years of advertising experience, at a different target audience. OK, fair enough, I thought, musing upon the fact that the adverts that seemed the best to me were generally for lager or Pot Noodles. Most car adverts are pretentious crap: I don’t have a car. Thought I wanted a car, in fact, but maybe these guys are smarter than I thought…

However, will someone please tell me what it is about those stupid adverts that are premised upon the (surely?) entirely unrealistic assumption that the audience and indeed the entire rest of the world is aware of and gives a shit about the company’s product or service?

“Everybody’s talking about the new [insert name of incredibly shit and boring product]”

No, they’re not. I mean come on, of course they’re not. What kind of idiot target audience is going to hear that and think “Hmmm, everybody’s talking about the new [incredibly shit and boring product], eh? And yet my agents haven’t previously drawn this to my attention? This must be worth looking into. Hand me the phone”.

Even non–lame companies can be guilty of this. I got an email from Virgin Atlantic today, a company I regard as generally good and for which I must presumably be a member of the target audience, in that I have flown with them several times and they considered it appropriate to send me the email in the first place.

“As you know, we have just launched our new Upper Class Suite to great acclaim.”

Do I? Have you? Has it? Advertisers, get over yourselves. Your adverts are, at best, of peripheral interest to me until you make them otherwise. Of course you love your products and think they are the dog’s bollocks, but you’ll have to do better than expecting me to share your enthusiasm on the strength of these kind of bald, hubristic assertions.