Booze

So the equivalent of three or four pints at one sitting means you are a socially functioning heavy drinker and have a problem that warrants treatment. It also renders you susceptible to loss of memory, reduced intelligence, poor balance and impaired mental agility. Not only that, if it’s beers you’re drinking, you’re susceptible to gout as well.

All this would be fine if booze wasn’t my only real friend. I mean, how does one live without booze? No more booze, ever? Inconceivable. Booze, booze, booze, lovely boozy, woozy, booze. That’s what I say. (Maybe it’s just the reduced intelligence talking).