Male dancer in being straight scandal

It’s funny being right sometimes. My girlfriend, a dancer, is currently preparing a dance duet between her and a male dancer. “It’s getting very physical”, she told me. “I’d feel a bit uncomfortable, if I didn’t know he was gay”. “My bollocks is he gay”, I replied. “Was it him who told you he was gay? Oh the CHOREOGRAPHER assured you he was gay… riiiight… Have you ever actually witnessed him in sexual congress with another man? …Just asking… All male dancers pretend to be gay; it’s just an excuse to slip in under the radar with a view to getting hold of hot dancer chicks. Male dancers are DOGS. Ever seen a gay dog? Think about it…”.

And guess what? “You know Mr Sneaky–bastard–not–really–gay–just–trying–to–get–into–hot–female–dancers’–pants (not his real name)? He told me today that he was actually bi, although as you know he split up with his boyfriend shortly before we started rehearsing”.

Yaaaaaaas. So why do you think he just told you he was “bi” then? Wouldn’t be to drop the hint that he’s single, available and actually likes chicks, would it? Put those times he grabbed your ass in the name of “art”, in a slightly different context, does it? In fact, has anyone actually met this mysterious “ex–boyfriend” of his? <obvious lie>But if you’re still comfortable with it, so am I, because I trust you.</obvious lie>

Ah, jealousy. This episode reminds me why I had to stop going out with that porn star, fit though she was…