Scary, if unsurprising stuff. Americans invade Iraq. Iraqis don’t like it. Instead of welcoming Americans with open arms, Iraqis shoot at Americans. Americans, not expecting to be shot at, get angry, say they hate Iraqis and threaten to nuke city. It’s a war. People shoot at you.

I mean really dancin

Saw Emio Greco at the Barbican last night. Those who know me will know that I end up seeing quite a bit of dance, without dance necessarily being my thing. Occupational hazard of going out with a choreographer. As a result of this, I have become something of an armchair expert on dance and choreography. I know when to chuckle, when to yawn, when to groan with frustration at a tired iteration of a contemporary dance cliché.

Now a lot of contemporary dancers purport to eschew technical excellence and virtuosity as empty and pointless, insisting that this enables them instead to concentrate on what they are trying to say choreographically. The danger with this approach is that, to the uninitiated, their work can end up looking like a fat bloke trying to draw your attention to the fact that you’ve forgotten to turn your headlights on. You can’t help suspecting that they are eschewing virtuosity because they haven’t got the chops.

Not this guy Greco. He was one of the best technically I have ever seen. Incredibly fast and fluid. Reminded me at times of proper dancers like Michael Jackson or Fred Astaire. There was just a presence and an impact to everything he did that I think has often been missing in the contemporary dance I have seen. We met up with some philosophers in the bar afterwards (really!) and the view was canvassed that this work was too self–indulgent. I disagree. If contemporary dance is to have any relevance for people other than those who are educated to a post–graduate level in it, this sort of stuff is precisely where it needs to be at.

Warning

Homeland Security has announced they will soon be implementing new software which will record every click of your mouse. It is their belief that it will operate completely transparently and that the average user will not notice any difference in performance. Click on the URL to observe this incredible new technology. (Props to the Kaiser)

Reading a piece on the demonstrations in arab countries as a result of the current war, it struck me that in a perverse way, these demonstrations may actually be a good thing for democracy in the region. Hmmm.

French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan To Convince Taliban of Non-Existence of God

Vintage stuff about the French - from last year's war, sent to me by the Kaiser The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into the country to destroy the morale of Taliban zealots by proving the non-existence of God. Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black Berets', will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris's Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else. Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and said, "The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous. There is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am talking." Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock. However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmens' endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area.

A conversation with a mate reminds me about an amusing story. In an effort to get back into shape, I have taken up running. Last Saturday, I was running with this chap just near the Houses of Parliament. We were discussing how to get fit you really needed a good crack at it for three months hard training. This of course was more difficult once you had left the leisurely student life behind for the world of work. If I’d been less exhausted and thinking straight, I might not have loudly said “yeah, I haven’t really been able to get the crack since I was a student” just as we ran past two police officers. The three days spent in custody has set my training back slightly…

What is the work ethic? Who does it benefit? Why is it good? Is it actually bad? Why work? Maybe it is time for a rethink.

Just read the Times, OK?

But the resolution has been dropped, Cook has resigned.

Legalities

From the pages of the same newspaper, the Attorney General says that war is legal, Rabinder Singh, QC from Matrix Chambers says it is illegal, Julian Knowles, another barrister also at Matrix Chambers thinks it is legal (or at least not illegal) and the legal editor, Frances Gibb, draws this all together in this article. This article compares the situation now against that during the Suez crisis.

Hmm, Spring is in the air and the thoughts of the males of the species naturally turn to… motorcycles. Tightened the chain, pumped up the tyres and hit the road on Sunday in glorious sunshine, with a mate on an identical bike. As it turned out, the chain front–plates weren’t the only things that were rusty — it’s going to require a few trips on the open road before I get my eye back in and my confidence up for those high–speed corners after a Winter spent in town. Then in May, Donnington!

Nice legs, shame about the face

President Bush in the Azores:

“And the U.N. must mean something. Remember Rwanda, or Kosovo.The U.N. didn’t do its job. And we hope tomorrow the U.N. will do its job. If not, all of us need to step back and try to figure out how to make the U.N. work better as we head into the 21st century. Perhaps one way will be, if we use military force, in the post–Saddam Iraq the U.N. will definitely need to have a role. And that way it can begin to get its legs, legs of responsibility back”.

Hey, there, blimpy boy

Pretty funny story.

Club UN

Because it is apparent that America is prepared to go to war with or without a second UN resolution authorising this, it has been said that unless the UN passes a second resolution, it will show that it has become irrelevant in international affairs.

Now this is not rocket science, but it seems to me that now this has been said, the opposite is true.

If in response to America’s moving towards war the UN had simply said, “OK, fine, Iraq has breached the first resolution, of course war is now the only option, we agree with America”, then we have no definite evidence either way as to whether the UN is still in charge. Therefore, the UN remains potentially relevant. However, if the UN now passes a resolution authorising war after America has indicated its contempt for the UN, to try to give the impression that the UN still has a role in this, the UN instead shows itself to be truly irrelevant.

It reminds me of that episode of the Simpsons where Bart is at dog–training school with Santa’s Little Helper. All the other owners are saying “stay” and the dog stays. Santa’s Little Helper is running around doing exactly what it wants and Bart is calling instructions after the event in a futile attempt to convince the trainer who is running the class that he is calling the shots — “Sit! Um, take a walk! Sniff that other dog’s butt”!

The UN still has a role in showing the will of the international community, even if it is not omnipotent. During the Cold War, did anyone really think it was anyway? The nuclear powers have always had the option to do what they want in defiance of the UN — there is no absolute authority in international law (not even America). However, when defiance by a big player occurs, the only real sanction — international censure — is still worth something. The UN has only become truly pointless if it starts rubber–stamping the decisions of the powerful to avoid appearing irrelevant.

Thanks to the security guys at Morgan Stanley for spotting that some thieving bastard was trying to score over £1,000 worth of clothes on my credit card in Spain. When Morgan Stanley called me to make sure it was legitimate, my card was sitting in my pocket in London. Someone’s been a clever little sod and cloned it.

French fries are off the menu in the US.

Barry Sheene

Farewell to a childhood hero. I was a bit too young really to appreciate the heyday of his racing career, but I remember being amazed as a primary school kid at what a nutter he must have been to have acquired all the metal plates and screws that famously held him together. I remember him as one of my 1980s equivalents to the Boy’s Own figures of earlier decades, that defined what I wanted to be when I grew up, along with Evel Knievel and Bryan Robson.

Smart Alecks

I always get mixed up with Alec Guinness, Alec Baldwin and Alec Gilroy.

From Geoff by email, Run DMC desk ornaments.

Went to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers at the London Arena on Saturday night and they were good. Played mostly stuff off the last two albums. In other news, it appears from this photograph that contemporaneously with being at college, James Speed was in fact moonlighting in this band.

Amusing selection of childish nastiness about the French. (Props to the Kaiser, proving that the engine of Europe is nothing to be afraid of.)

According to this, when it comes to average earnings, you do worse with an arts degree than if you had no degree at all.

While I remember, I have an important tip for diners visting the United States. “Chicken fried steak” is not chicken. It’s like a beef–burger, breaded and fried in oil. If you thought that this sounded like something that might be at home in a Scottish chip shop, next to the deep-fried mars bars and battered savaloys, you’d be in the right ball-park. A pretty unhealthy tasting option. Some kind of cowboy thing apparently. I’ve no idea how the chicken got in there.

Madchester

Watched '24 Hour Party People' last night - top flick. Traces the Manchester music scene through the rise and fall of Tony Wilson's Factory Records. Begins with a small Sex Pistols' gig in Manchester in 1976, which inspires Wilson, the Joy Division, the Buzzcocks (and, er, Mick Hucknall), then progresses through the 80s with the suicide of Ian Curtis, the transformation of Joy Division into New Order, the opening of the Hacienda, the success of the Happy Mondays and ends in the early 90s with the disintegration of Factory. Made me stick on my tape of "Bummed" and dance round the room like Bez. Essential viewing for anyone who grew up in Madchester - like you, Tucola... ps It never ceases to amaze me what a great tune "Love Will Tear Us Apart" is.

So, finally got back after a knackering two day journey extravaganza on all the worst flights at the most unsociable times. A corollary of getting the tickets to L.A for just over 200 quid. I see this place has been buzzing in my absence (it even looks like my parting shot and the riposte from ponophobic made it only as far as the blogger site but for reasons unknown did not appear on .foxinternet itself). Anyhow, got some top snowboarding done in the Utah snow and feeling refreshed and ready to get back to work. 7 days of bruising physical activity at high altitude together with the 7 hour jet lag and the last 36 hours spent on planes or in airports has really done what you might expect to bring me to the top of my game.