Something else on tuition fees.

Neo-racialism

We’ve already heard that the UK is about the only country in Europe that is going to give equal rights to reside, work or claim benefits to the citizens of the new joiner countries to the EU. France, Germany, Belgium, Luxembourg, et al, the proud architects of the egalitarian European dream, are going to tell the new lads from the wrong side of the European tracks to sod off until 2011. But now it appears that our even–handed adherence to principle is also going to further screw up our already screwed university system. Thanks to Tony’s daft new policies, the poor old British plumbers, grannies and Congestion Charge wardens won’t have to pay through their taxes for UK students anymore, but they will have to pay for the UK education of legions of bright young things from places such as Poland, Lithuania, Slovakia, Hungary, the Czech Republic and Latvia. About which I am sure they will be delighted.

While I’m on this subject, I’ve thought for some time that the US should give us right to reside and work over there (in exchange for reciprocal rights, as within the EU) — we’re about the only buggers who ever stand by them on anything — but instead, we are expressly excluded from their Greencard scheme, on the basis that they’ve got too many Brits already and would rather have some more Iranians, Saudis, Yemanis, Afghans or even bloody French than us. So stuff Europe and stuff the US. It is quite clear to me that we are the only cool nation in the world and everyone else is just jealous. And, without wishing to be too xenophobic about this, you can put that in your foreign pipes and smoke it.

Hey Mom, here are a few pictures of me snowboarding on a short trip to Valmorel in the French Alps last weekend, taken by Nick»1»2»3»4.

Swedes and boozing.

Everyone's talking about the new post on .foX

Advertising is a funny business. When I was a kid, I always thought that making adverts would be a cool job. As an adult, I often see adverts that appear to be completely, appallingly, obviously crap and that surely any idiot should have blackballed at the early concept stage (most recent example — the bizarre Capital One credit card adverts). I was once advised by someone in advertising that the business is much more difficult and complex than it appears and that adverts that I didn’t like were in fact likely to be just as ‘good’ and effective as those I did like, but were cleverly aimed, via market research and years of advertising experience, at a different target audience. OK, fair enough, I thought, musing upon the fact that the adverts that seemed the best to me were generally for lager or Pot Noodles. Most car adverts are pretentious crap: I don’t have a car. Thought I wanted a car, in fact, but maybe these guys are smarter than I thought…

However, will someone please tell me what it is about those stupid adverts that are premised upon the (surely?) entirely unrealistic assumption that the audience and indeed the entire rest of the world is aware of and gives a shit about the company’s product or service?

“Everybody’s talking about the new [insert name of incredibly shit and boring product]”

No, they’re not. I mean come on, of course they’re not. What kind of idiot target audience is going to hear that and think “Hmmm, everybody’s talking about the new [incredibly shit and boring product], eh? And yet my agents haven’t previously drawn this to my attention? This must be worth looking into. Hand me the phone”.

Even non–lame companies can be guilty of this. I got an email from Virgin Atlantic today, a company I regard as generally good and for which I must presumably be a member of the target audience, in that I have flown with them several times and they considered it appropriate to send me the email in the first place.

“As you know, we have just launched our new Upper Class Suite to great acclaim.”

Do I? Have you? Has it? Advertisers, get over yourselves. Your adverts are, at best, of peripheral interest to me until you make them otherwise. Of course you love your products and think they are the dog’s bollocks, but you’ll have to do better than expecting me to share your enthusiasm on the strength of these kind of bald, hubristic assertions.