Pictures

Here are the snowboarding action shots from Courchevel. Clicking on a picture brings up a bigger version.

photographs © 2004 nick groves

Terrorists

So these Islamic ‘terrorists’ that have been arrested in the home counties: these are British citizens. Is anyone clear on what exactly they want us to do? Support the global imposition of Sharia law? Or is it just “not have invaded Iraq”. Or “not have done something or other in relation to Israel”. In which case it seems like a fairly pointless kind of ‘revenge’ terrorism with no obvious endgame. I may be accused here of crassly misrepresenting the terrorists’ legitimate grievances, but if nobody tells me explicitly, how am I supposed to know?

Maybe the ‘terrorists’ have written to the government with a list of demands? I know we never get told anything by the government, but I’d be interested to know what the demands are. I expect it’s all too difficult for someone not experienced in international dimplomacy to understand. Best to leave these things to professional terrorists, dealing with professional ambassadors, like we leave matters relating to the crime industry to professional criminals and the police, because they are the ones who know how to deal with such things in the proper prescribed manner. Incidentally, who is our ambassador to al–Qaeda? George Galloway probably…

Are we all doomed? Can even Inspector Sands save us now?

OK; I’ve seen the pictures and they’re OK but not fantastic (i.e my biggest air and half–assed rail–grabs were not captured on film, but the pictures provide some evidence that I at least left the ground briefly). Now I just need to get them up on here. Which I will do soon.

I'm back

So I am back in the UK again after a week in Courchevel snowboarding. Weather was sunny all week so the conditions were kind of crunchy; good for social skiing but not so great on the board, although at least there was plenty of snow. There may be a couple of pictures soon.

Right, I’m off snowboarding for a week so this place’ll be quiet until I get back.

If this story about the guy recently released from Guantanamo Bay is even slightly true, it underlines the extent to which the British government ought to have done more for these guys, British citizens, imprisioned without charge in breach of the rules of natural justice. But who can you trust?

Madrid bombings

Once again, the petty concerns that this website primarily exists to air are thrown into sharp relief. A terrible tragedy has occured in Spain this morning. Who benefits from this? There are some stupid, evil bastards out there.

The Singhsons

Takes a while to load, but this is mildly amusing in a Bernard Manning-esque sort of way.

My devious plan to get off that parking ticket I got the other day turned out to be a non–starter. I applied to the Land Registry for the filed plan on the title of the building adjacent to which I had parked, in an attempt to prove that my bike was parked on private land and not “with one or more wheels on part of an urban road other than a carriageway.” Unfortunately, the filed plan, which arrived today, conclusively proves the contrary. I guess I’ll have to pay up, extremely galling though that is, given that my bike was parked thoughtfully and carefully so as not to obstruct anyone. Traffic wardens. What arseholes.

Where do I start...?

So they’re introducing piste police, speed cameras and breathalysers on the pistes at European ski resorts. Herr Thur, Austrian piste policeman:

“It’s about time this happened. I heard some people joking to me about having radar speed traps on the slopes and numberplates on skiers, but I say why not, it’s nothing less than one expects on the roads, so why not on the slopes as well?”

Nice one, Herr Thur. Well, how about because the mountains are currently one of the few places you can still go to get away from the over–regulated, nanny–state, we–know–better–than–you, little–Hitler–dominated mess that the rest of the Western world has become? I expect that if I leave my snow–board outside a café for too long over lunch, I’ll soon be coming out to find a blasted parking ticket on that as well. They’ve already started to screw up the resorts in the “Land of the Free”, America. Don’t let’s follow them on this one guys…

People really are mental sometimes. I just read this story from the Times about a luxury hippie commune for the rich.

“Who wants to stay in some stinky, hot ashram where the food is inedible and you are sick all the time? added India, a stunning former Russian model who had joined us for dinner”.

Well, quite. But it’s slightly Animal Farm how it starts out all egalitarian and idealistic, then some people start making a buck or two out of it and an evil capitalist hierarchy develops, whereby some people get the nice houses, loads of cash and free choice of the foxy former Russian model birds etc and some idiots have to graft away doing all the cooking just for the privilege of being allowed in.

If most people are basically bastards, most hippies are basically just pious, disingenuous bastards.

Etiquette - what would Michael Winner say to this?

Is it acceptable to discuss medical problems, at great length, in graphic detail, over dinner in a restaurant within earshot of other diners? I will set the scene. The venue is a small, fairly up–market, sushi restaurant. The decor is unsurprisingly in Oriental style — think Coco Chanel suite at the Paris Ritz, as interpreted by IKEA — with little tables set close together. I am having dinner with my girlfriend at a table for two.

Two women arrive and are sat at the adjacent table, which is about the length of John Holmes’ cock away from ours. One is American, one British. Contrary to stereotype, the Seppo is quiet and prim, the Limey loud and overweight, doing the vast majority of the talking. The conversation turns to how she has been unwell. Fine, sorry to hear that. But I am incredulous, to the extent of having a discreet glance around for Jeremy Beadle, when it develops into a ten minute, symptom–by–symptom chronology of this woman’s descent to the very the brink of death and subsequent phoenix–like rise from the hospital bed.

Now it sounds like this woman has had a terrible time, and she has my full sympathy, but when one is trying to enjoy one’s miso soup it is extremely off–putting to have to hear sentences such as (I kid you not) “but by then the abscess had burst and moved from my gut down into my rectum, which is what caused the septicaemia…” bellowed out a mere couple of chopstick–lengths away. For some reason we didn’t fancy dessert. She was still going strong as we paid and left.

Now I know people sometimes say in relation to adversity “you’ll be dining out on that story for years” but there must be limits, particularly in places like this, which aim for a quiet, discrete sort of ambience. Kind of ruins the cultured experience. A proper Japanese response would probably have been to finish what the abscess had started and chop off this woman’s head with a samurai sword before committing ceremonial sepukku in outrage. Instead, I did the British thing and left, muttering “really rather crass, to say the least”. I guess that having lived with illness can make people somewhat less concerned about other people’s sensibilities when telling their story and I sympathise with anyone who has had to suffer in the way that it sounds like this woman has suffered, but is there still a time and a place for the concept of a time and place?

Training tips

1. Don’t do squats on a Smith machine. When doing a squat correctly, the weight wants to move in a curved rather than a straight line. Forcing the weight to move straight puts strain on the lower back at certain parts of the motion. Use a free bar instead.
2. Don’t do lat–pulls behind the neck. Behind the neck pulls put pressure on the shoulders. Pull in front of the face instead.

[Hidden subtext] Following a 2004 attempt to become fitter, I am instead now finding it difficult to move having stuffed up both my upper and lower back lifting weights and stuffed up my knees running.

Doing one's bit

So HSBC has made pre–tax profits of £7.68 billion this year, an increase of 37% on last year. As a long–standing HSBC customer, I’m delighted to have done my bit in making that possible and I’m sure my fellow HSBC customers will join with me in congratulating the hard–working directors and shareholders of the most profitable UK bank ever.

I dreamt last night that I was in a university lecture about the history and symbolism of the mortar–board hat. Everyone taking the course of lectures was supposed to wear a mortar–board to each lecture. Some didn’t have one, including me, but the lecturer was laid–back about it and said we could get one for next time. I rarely dream and if that’s the sort of crap I come up with, I can see why I don’t usually bother.

Possession no longer 9/10 of law

So what was it again, you’re guilty until proven innocent, right? Heard on the news today that the police have been busy kicking down doors this morning and seizing assets that people “cannot prove that they acquired legitimately”. Reminds me of the old university Roman law possessio stuff — “Whose is this lamp? Mine. How can you prove it? It’s in my room” etc. It can be pretty hard to “prove” that something is yours at all, let alone that you acquired it “legitimately”.