Everybody's talking about new Fistro paper clips!

I just received an email advertising the services of a wine merchant. The blurb began with the line “drinking delicious wine needn’t be hard work!”. Eh? Do I look like the sort of person for whom the act of “drinking delicious wine” could conceivably be remotely akin to “hard work”? Whatever next: — “sensual massage from naked Jessica Alba while in your complimentary brand new Aston Martin doesn’t have to be a chore”? Or perhaps we could turn it around: — “digging 40 foot deep trench with the lid off a Bic while being shot at not as much fun as it’s cracked up to be”.

Of course, one way around the current flight cancellation problems is simply to charter one’s own private plane. Just got back from a stag weekend in Ibiza with some people whom I believe the French would describe as débrouillards. Top weekend.

Reductio ad absurdem

I just went to Starbucks for a coffee. I asked for “latte, please”. The guy looked slightly perplexed and gave me a paper cup full of milk. I am absolutely serious.

This is what happens when:

1. fashion dictates that we order coffee in Italian;
2. the Italian is inevitably Anglicised;
3. people who are more familiar with Italian than English take over all the jobs of making the coffee.

One day, someone will have the novel idea of travelling full circle and going back to the “white and two sugars” nomenclature. Until then, we are going to have to brush up on our Italian.

Banking scam!

I just realised that the banks are running a crafty scam to trick people into spending their money and getting into debt! I went to the ATM to take out £20 in the week last week. After I had entered the details, a message flashes up on the screen — “you have not been charged for this transaction”.

“Oh well, must be something up with the machine, never mind”, I think. But then, to my surprise, out comes the double–sawski notwithstanding. “Superb!”, I think, “could be time to fill my boots”, so I put in for withdrawing £500. Again, “you have not been charged for this transaction” and out pops the monkey.

However, with the money long gone on exotic fruit and fishing equipment, imagine my surprise and disappointment when my bank statement arrives today showing that contrary to the message on the ATM, my account has in fact been charged for both those transactions — £520 down — which, because it was end of month, puts me well into the red. What a scam!

Have I got any legal action against the bank for this?